How are you ? I haven’t posted in four days and it felt good. I am alone in the flat for 8 days and decided to use my time wisely.
I took the opportunity to be completely alone and secluded for the week. No friends, no shopping and going out, just me and my thoughts in our empty London flat.
Whilst my introvert heart usually craves privacy, being left alone and away from social gatherings, I felt really lonely.
My mom (and my grandma before her) always says : “Make yourself happy before anyone else, love yourself before you love anyone else and embrace your time alone. Your life will always be filled with people but you’re the only one who will ever stay.”
I can’t really translate it from French to English but you get the idea.
The first four days were hard, I am not going to lie. I was bored and I was blaming myself for the smallest things. I would often think : ” you should have picked up interesting hobbies when you were younger”. I would spend ages looking at myself in the mirror, listing what was wrong with me instead of using this free time to fill my brain with positive thoughts.
I would turn on the TV and leave my computer open next to me just to distract me from myself.
And then it clicked. I don’t need to be busy 24/7 to be worth something. The love I have for myself should not be measured in “how much I accomplish”. So I decided to put myself first. I cooked a nice dinner, I showered and scrubbed my body, washed my hair, put on my favorite music, changed my sheets, shopped online for books I have always wanted to read and cuddled up with myself and my glass on wine on the sofa.
I ended up falling asleep.
It was so peaceful and regenerating. I was not particularly tired physically, but I was mentally. Hating & blaming yourself takes more energy than we care to admit.
Being completely alone this week boosted my ego. I have decided to reward myself more often. Not with material things like I am used to doing, but with a nice date. I will take myself out to dinner and be okay with being alone.
This week, I have managed to put my overachiever ego on the side for the sake of my mental health. And it felt incredible.